Life goes around in circles. I just can’t get it to go straight.
Being broken is a wonderfully profound and beautiful concept until we actually have to come face to face with it and then it just hurts. I am definitely broken. Not in the profound sense, but in the sense of wishing I could be a completed puzzle again rather than all strewn into a thousand little pieces.
yes, we can’t be happy all the time and recently I have definitely had my share of happiness but as I go to write about Alice Springs and how wonderful it was or the Matisyahu concert and how amazing he was, all I can feel is like a terrible person. David took me to dinner last night and bought some nice wine and reminded me as we were leaving that there is goodness in me – but I confess I can be an inconsiderate and selfish person. I hate those traits in other people but i hate them even more in myself.
God give me more wisdom and more discipline and more sensitivity. Amen.
Its a long hard road, starts with small steps and only after continued walking does it come together.
I wish I could offer you a magick solution, but there aren’t any, having the right friends etc helps, but even then the phone does not always ring when you need it too. That is brokeness.
Sometimes there is no answer when we are alone in that cold dark place, sometimes there is no lesson to be learned, it just is. There is allways a reason for everything, but that does not mean knowing will give consolation.
Life pushes us to give when we feel completely empty, nothing left.
Personally I gave up asking God to help, those who made it out did, those that didn’t never escaped. God watches over all, no answer why one must must suffer while another is spared or relived reflects well on God’s love, fact is it is partial some do receive more, and sometimes we are the ones left to provide what God didn’t.
Ce La Vie…
I love you.